As winter comes to an end, life returns to what appeared to be dead weeks earlier. I am finding this to be true in me also as I come into my own self awareness. Walking this journey of healing & self discovery has truly been amazing. There has been laughter, fear, sadness, gallons of tears, oceans of LOVE and so much more. It is the scariest thing to stand naked with your eyes wide open in front of a mirror looking at yourself honestly. Yet, after awhile if you have the right tools and support you start to love what you see and work on what you don’t. It’s because YOU have to stop hiding, come out and be seen to get everything in good working order. It is through this you will increase your A-Ha moments in your life.
I was sitting alone thinking I want to get dressed up and go out, to be seen and admired! Let me back up and explain, through my decision to intentionally live in LOVE. I am now always honest with myself about what and why I am thinking or doing something. I wanted be admired, yes given attention. It was after all Friday night. I have those in my life that do regularly give me some form of attention, that’s not what I was wanting. The thing is, while I wanted to experience the rush, a huge cloud of shame came over me. Ladies maybe some of you can relate, I realized that the shame I was feeling was uncalled for. It was from early beliefs put in to my mind about how I should see me and how other see me. Good and respectable girls don’t act like that. I have spent my life healing and allowing Spirit, body, soul and mind to grow. But come to find out I have been suppressing a major part of me that will no longer be silent! My Sensuality /Sexuality have been locked up because of shame and fear. It is a deep human desire to want the affection, attention, and connection from the opposite. Truth is when I think of a beautiful man I get weak inside. So just imagine what happens if he shows interest that is a boost for sure. It is human nature designed to keep the planet populated. Yet here I find myself again with a hang up over what should be natural. So what do I do with this? How do I free myself of the false good girl image and live on the path that is healthy for me?
Here is what I realized, I am a woman. I need to be Loved, desired, held, caressed, listen to, flattered and that just cover the bare basics. My best friend asked me about my blue print. I had never heard that before, but it makes perfect sense. The connection between a man and a woman should not be filled with traps. We should know what we do and don’t like. We should also share so our partner/Lover can use their time wisely and add it to our blueprint. I do believe that we should be settling down with one and creating strong stable foundation. Let me be clear I am not looking to free us from our healthy and loving core values and suggest we go live in the red light district. I am stopping the self persecution when a healthy normal desire arises to experience pleasure of any kind. It is excellent to want and experience the passion that is felt between two when they enter into that place where time stop and they are the only two that exist. I’m not the only one that enjoys the excitement of new eye candy and being eye candy for that delicious Spirit across the way. I admit allowing the fantasy of what could be can, can make my legs Jell-O. Yes I know this is feeding me at a primal level. But that is the point it exists in all of us whether we acknowledge it or not. It does not mean YOU run out and acting on it or you are becoming unenlightened slut. YES I KNOW I WILL BE JUDGED FOR THIS….. WHO CARE! I AM CHOOSING TO LIVING FREE OF SHAME & FEAR! Yes this is the honesty that must be and stay present for you to live authentically.
The rush that comes when we do get that attention again is normal. Unless we are blind to the world around us we can’t help but notice it and delight in it. The desire to go outside for attention decreases or can altogether disappears when we have it in our life, in our relationship, with our mate. This is why the types of relationships we invest in and build are crucial. Oh believe me I have seen… well let me stop there, think of your ideal Oh my GOODNESS. You are out together for the evening; while there is a lustful spark you really have nothing in common. We then fight to build a house together on sand all along feeling things are missing especially once the excitement of construction is over. Instead of being authentic & honest about who we are, we perform a dance that leads to emptiness. If they see the real me or when we become the real us, everyone becomes shocked and dismayed. Here is the key! If we are HONEST with ourselves about us, we can then be honest with the world outside of us. Building our home on a solid foundation means we have our best friend side of us. To feel passion with the person who loves you the most in the world is one of the most amazing Gift Spirit has to offer. As people we compromise so much for so little. Getting the BIG house, expense car, the trophy spouse and the perfect looking kids is the main objective. Instead the focus should be finding our Best friend, building our dream together from the floor up and staying grounded. If we truly followed Spirit, the Gifts would blow us away. So I now am ready to be LOVED because I LOVE me. Ask yourself the why’s, what’s and how’s, take the time to understand where it all starts and why you do what you do. Then move intentionally in LOVE starting with the LOVE you have for you. Again you will be blown away with the abundant blessings awaiting you. I know I have been! SENDING LOVE!
If you are interested in knowing more about my journey with Divine Vision Center for Healing and Self Discovery check out https://divinevisioncenter.wordpress.com/. or https://www.facebook.com/pages/Divine-Vision-Center-for-Healing-Self-Discovery/204757419562862
Transformational Life Coach & Healer
Founder & Owner of: The Divine Vision Center for Healing and Self Discovery