Do you know someone who will bend over backwards to help those around them. They are that friend or just a person that when you are in need they will be there, even at times at the cost of their own needs/wants. Yet, they seem to have to justify or they are uncomfortable doing good things for themselves. What a blessing they are and so selfless. We are taught about the perils of selfishness from the time we are small, don’t be selfish SHARE! No one likes a selfish person! So what about those who end up OVER SHARING? How about the selfless individual that has the halo of master giver above their head, what about them? To really understand what I am about to jump in to first we must know the definition of what we are looking at. I found these definitions on Google so we can be on the same page with the meaning. With all things, a strong foundation starts with communication, so we can understand. The topic we are going to look at is the unhealthy EGO.
DEFINITION of EGO:
© A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance
© Self: your consciousness of your own identity
© The part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity
© An overly high opinion of oneself
© An inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others
With the selfish individual we know EGO is alive and well. There seems to be very little thought of others feelings or needs in their choices and behaviors. The “Me, Myself & I” is very present, as well as the negative attitudes that go along with it. We see the lack of patience, compassion, understanding, and willing ness to give or be flexible. The truth is the EGO is alive and well in the selfless person also, we just never or rarely address it. Or like me, we have to have an A-ha moment to open our eyes to what was a wolf hided in sheep’s clothing.
It is easy to see the selfish EGO because you can see or feel the offensive actions of the person. Usually the actions stem from greed, pride, hate, fear, envy and just the negative emotions we humans dwell in. We all know people with these attributes who have had success in their lives, yet seem to be missing the joy in their spirit. Their Ego serves the purpose of getting them what they want, when and how they want it. The definition that best fits these folks would be: An inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others. Here is where it gets tricky when we address the selfless individual’s attacks from EGO. It’s hard to imagine someone so giving, so selfless full of EGO. How could it possibly be, the two don’t add up. Well it is and it really is the wolf in sheep’s clothing in two different forms.
I was having a conversation with my best friend about a movie called “Hotel Rwanda” I mentioned I have never seen it. My comment was met with shock & dismay. I explained that I knew what was taking place and the human suffering was more that I could bear to watch for entertainment purposes. I told a story about a movie “Dry White Season” a gruesomely graph movie on South Africa’s apartheid. I explained how I would only see it once and I do not watch movies based on human suffering as I became teary thinking about some of the scenes. Then the comment was made that my emotions were my EGO. What? GASP! As I was reeling from the shock of the words, I heard just Kidding. Now my EGO would have liked me to hold on to that and let it go. But Spirit rose up in me as I realized it was true. My emotions are my EGO, the tool used to discombobulate (I always wanted to use this word) me. I had to sit in that for a moment and really digest it. This is when I identified the first form of EGO. It is the self destructive form. It is the internal chatter that continues to pull us from the truth of Spirit. I never stopped to think how my over analyzing and highly emotional thoughts could be keeping me from my purpose. Yet it does, it paralyzes me from not just moving forward, but moving at all. It keeps me caged in fear of being free, wishing one day I might find the courage. Funny thing about this form of EGO, it allows for dreaming as its cover. It is Vision without knowing, belief, or faith. If you believe you are unworthy you will never buy in to the dream, you will just spend time wishing as you window shop. The Law of Attraction works when your knowing is so strong, that your vision creates your goals. Which lead to your action of creating your outcome that is your success! When you can’t live without it and you live as though it is already there, because you are it. Truth is as we learn to leave the lies behind and grew LOVE for all, you become free. For example if you have been disrespected and you allow Ego in, it will derail you. All that chatter that was devaluing us can turn in to rage against another. In the action of the disrespect, one should understand it has nothing to do with you unless you are doing the disrespecting. It is their inner turmoil that causes the break down in them. It is your willingness to take it personal that allows you to be affected by it. So do you join it or heal it? Realizing it not about me I am free to see me clearly, and fixes what beliefs are holding me back. I feel it, then let I go so I can know true freedom. It a new way, that comes from loving one’s self.
The second form of the selfless EGO is found in the needed of approval. This one fits with both personalities. But look very different to the outside world. Whether selfish or selfless we all want one thing LOVE! We all want that stamp of approval. It comes down to how we get it. When I first move out to here I used to drive 2 ½ hrs round trip to get Popeye’s chicken for my Dad, I would have done anything for him to show me what I thought Love should look like. For him it was cool, he was getting chicken he liked. I doubt he ever knew how emotional expensive that chicken really was. That’s the point where the selfless EGO is quite destruction. It’s all those unhealthy silent conversation with yourself and the Dreamy ego that derail us. “Oh he will be so happy when you get home, wait and see! He’s gonna say you’re the best daughter ever and you will finally feel whole & Loved!” So now I am using chicken to buy approval & affection from my Dad. Now that’s Selfless and so giving. Please understand I am not ripping in to myself, I am speaking the truth. The truth is we should only be focused on our own approval of self. It is in that space that we feel peace and at one with Spirit knowing that we are home in ourselves. My Dad is who he is and it hurts me & him when I create a fantasy that he will never live up to. This is how the Ego destroys us and keeps us from the promise that lays waiting for us in the Spirit. What an amazing gift to give to be giving not because you want someone to praise you. The sad thing it starts at a very young age. It is this Ego that has us believing the lies that we can’t, we aren’t, or they don’t. It is the epitome of low self esteem.
It is the low self esteem and fear that kept us from living our purpose. It was the lies that continue us on a road of emptiness. In the movie Avatar the Navi people are pure Spirit. They live connected to all that was before and now is all around them; showing nothing but the highest level of respect & love for every movement. They live free of EGO within the home tree where LOVE flows. We can be in that place too, where we see ourselves and others. Where there is no them and we can live with honesty about who we really are. I use to believe I had to jump through hoops for others to just like and accept me. Why would anyone love me if I don’t see myself or even love myself? It is the need for this approval that can also blind us to the greatness & gift of other. We are so busy running to the front of the line to be the ONE, unknowingly we are stepping on everyone’s toes as we go, all too just be seen. Truly the hardest thing is to be invisible, especially when it is all in your own mind. It is that fantasy of how it should look that we get trapped in. This is why TV can be dangerous food for us and destructive fuel for Ego. We get false visions of how wonderful it would be if I had, if I was and detach from what is US. In the quite with the cameras off they still cry from the same emptiness and lack. When I realized my drive to be the ‘ONE” who shined the brightest was so I would get the attention I was craving, it was a wakeup call. I’m still the “One” but now I am filled with a healthy self image. I’m no longer looking outside of myself to find what is perfectly placed already within. Before I need others to like/love me so I could confirm that I was worthy of Love. If someone showed a sign of disapproval, I would need to go to work on winning them over. Next I would get ready for the compromising of self, the guilt, the disappointment & justification of being missed used. I was freed when I realized love always feels loving & delicious. I no longer need to buy affection because now I am giving it to myself freely. It is the most amazing place to be. Plus the more I let the love flow the more surrounded I become with it.
One of my favorite movies is the Way of the Peaceful Warrior. I Love the bell tower scene. It is the best visual depiction of the battle we all have waging inside when ego is attacking us. I wish we all could have that experience to really come face to face clearly with what we need to let go of. Having a guide who knows how to Love us and teach us with LOVE, wow what a blessing that is. Having someone who is detached from our past can be very useful just because the emotional bondage is not there. Knowing our history is important, understanding where it all started is important not for the purpose of blame, but to heal and create a new beginning. I could see the pattern as I went through my family history. I also gained a ton of compassion for those who walked the painful road for me to have the blessings I have experienced. If they didn’t know how to love themselves they could have never taught it. If their foundation was fear and pain they could only give what they knew. Some of the stories I have heard all the way to the stories I can personally can tell seem harsh. The truth is that when of our parents set out to raise us, the intentions were to do better than what was done to or for them. Now there are those that grew up with someone that was mentally ill or just disconnected, but again the desire was for love to shine with most. All the riches or the pain is just a part of the legacy past down, that most have no idea it can be stopped. I learned it was never about what was in me, it was about what was broken in them. I started to recognize it when I became a mom. As we become more aware we start to see with new eye. This was the biggest gift, to find a way past the pain and the lies, to true freedom. I am free in a way I have never been before and I love like I never knew possible. That which is not personal I will not pick up and carry. If work is pointed out I need to attend to, I will get to it and make the changes needed are made. Otherwise I will not carry what is not true or Love.
Ego, EGO, ego, is it just really all that bad all the time; only when it is unhealthy and the headliner. Go back and reread the first 3 definitions. I could cut and paste but the time is now to start doing the work to find your truth. The first three definitions are essential for our well being and healthy connection to Spirit. The goal is to get to a place where you are a healthy balance of selfless and selfish; where you intentionally care for the body, mind, soul, and Spirit. When one of these is out of alignment your world will show it. Here are four easy steps to stay in balance. I say easy meaning easy to follow yet takes commitment to do.
- The body: Eat right( good proteins, high fiber, fresh veggies and fruits, yes healthy fats and very very low sugar) Drink lots of water(limit your other liquids or at least be conscience of what you ingest) Exercise( do some cardio, walk, swim or dance use your heart love it! Lift some weights keep your muscles strong so they can hold you when you’re older)
- The Mind: Learn and Do (learn about something new or go explore the world. Stretch your mind to new possibilities) Read or Write(turn off the TV and find a way for your mind to create new visions)
- The Soul: LOL (live out loud, laugh out loud, and most important LOVE OUT LOUD. The soul needs love! To get it you must be willing to give it. If you don’t have people you can shower find a case you are passionate about and shower those who love what you love with your love. There can never be too much LOVE.)
- The Spirit: CONNECT TO THE LIFE LINE! (There are many different beliefs on what this is and how it should look. What I know for me is this is a very intimate place that I hold sacred like my Grand Mama’s words). Meditate (quite your mind and your world around you to hear the whisper of the Spirit. Ask questions and you will hear the answer in the still quite) Sleep (This is essential to whole life wellness, in our dreams we let go, we work out and we connect to get recharged. Do it without the TV on, if it is hard to fall asleep listen to a peaceful CD or Audio book that will touch the spirit. Learn to meditate there are some wonderful CD’s out now. I get sleepy when I read, so I get one of my favorite books “the Seven Truth of Life” by Senghor Pope and I read. I tier quickly but as I am falling asleep my mind is filled with healthy empowering thoughts which lead to a great nights rest.
So take thirty day to start a new life for yourself. Start one new thing every thirty days, while continuing with the new you. Ego is not scary if we get in balance and keep it all in check. I send you the Love I am enjoying. Make today the day and choose Love. Sending You Love!
If you are interested in knowing more about my journey with Divine Vision Center for Healing and Self Discovery check out https://divinevisioncenter.wordpress.com/.
Transformational Life Coach & Healer
Founder & Owner of: The Divine Vision Center for Healing and Self Discovery